What's in the Suitcase?
I'll Never Live this Down
I'm nursing a cup of coffee at the club. Jennifer is asking me about my last trip. “I thought you were going to Cairo.”
I shake my head. “I've been going to Cairo for the past couple of years. The trouble is I don't seem to be able to get there. Something always gets in the way.”
“Go somewhere else.”
“Where?”
She waves her arms in all directions. “Anywhere. Wherever there isn't anything in the way.”
“It's the sea that's the problem. The boats keep getting cancelled.”
“Go by land.”
“Don't be silly. Cairo is on the other side of the Med.”
“So? Go via Turkey.”
“Turkey?”
“Why not?”
Why not indeed? It's on the list. I vaguely wonder how much it's going to cost.
“I'll come with you. We could hitch right across Europe, and then...” She stops, and looks dreamily out of the window, and sighs.
“What's the matter?”
“It's mother. She's really ill. I cant leave.”
We both look gloomily around the room.
“I wont have much money after just three weeks' work.” I explain about the teaching job I've just landed. But the kids break up for the holidays by the end of the month, so that isn't going to add much to my meagre bank balance.
“I know what you ought to do. You'll make a fortune.” She grins at me.
“What?”
“You've got a big suitcase?”
“Somewhere in the attic, yes.”
“Fill it full of ladies' underwear, and sell it in Eastern Europe.”
“Ladies' underwear?” I have to admit that suggestion takes me a bit by surprise.
“Yes. Why not? They don't have fancy stuff over there like we do here. You'll clean up.”
“So, you want me to hitch-hike across Europe with a suitcase full of ladies' pants?”
“Why not? Better still, take two suitcases. One full of bras, and one full of briefs.”
“That's going to cost a fortune.”
“No it isn't. I'll help you choose. Then when you know what you want, you go straight to the wholesaler and get a third off the price.”
“Are you sure you cant come too? Sounds like you've got this thing sussed.”
“No can do with mother the way she is.”
The following morning my brain is going round and round like cycle wheels as I peddle off to my teaching job in Ware.
Good grief. Lugging ladies underwear across Europe? I'll never live this down.
I've worked out how to do this. I can take two large suitcases. They are a bit unwieldy, but they aren't heavy. Jennifer's knickers weigh almost nothing at all. In fact, about three quarters of the fabric consists of holes, and holes are notoriously light. The bras are heavier, but not much heavier because they take up more space and I don't have so many in the case.
I have to be advised about what to choose. The final question has to be, “What do you wear?”
Jennifer briefly raises her skirt.
“But they're...” I'm not sure how to describe them. The obvious word is 'plain', or 'boring'.
“What I wear isn't important. Most girls wear boring knickers most of the time. But we do dress up. You are going to be selling to ladies who cant dress up because they don't have the choices we have in the shops here in the West. Honestly, stop worrying. You are going to make a fortune with this lot.”
Oh well, why not? Let's do it.
I cant lug my gear around while hitch-hiking so decide to get a train to Prague, and see what happens.
It's been lonely on the train. There has been no-one interesting to talk to. In fact the train is almost empty. The countryside is boring. The towns look just like ordinary towns. I cross the frontier into Germany. It is raining. It always seems to be raining when I come to Germany.
I spend the night in the central station at Bonn. Every so often I get up and buy a hot chocolate, and then huddle down into my coat, my legs stretched out over my two suitcases. It is quiet, warm, and almost cosy. I doze rather than sleep. In the morning I have breakfast and board a train heading towards the Czech frontier, and once again I feel lonely. The countryside looks dull and quiet, and so do the other passengers. Good grief I might as well be on the suburban line going to work.
But something odd happens as we approach the frontier. I look out of the window. The roads are empty. Nobody seems to be travelling across the border. The train is also almost empty. At each station people get off, but no-one gets on. I am now the only person in my carriage. I feel quite conspicuous. It is only now that a ghastly thought enters my brain. Supposing they want to look in my suitcases at the frontier and confiscate the gear. That will be a disaster.
I panic. Why didn't I think of this? Why didn't I have a plan? Why...?
The train jolts and I nearly fall over. Why am I standing up? I dont remember getting up. I quickly sit down again. Suddenly the world doesn't look so wonderful and exciting as it did a few moments ago. Perhaps I ought to get off the train at the next station and think of a plan, get help, do something, anything, but... Help!
What? Oh what am I going to do?
We stop at another small station and a girl gets in. We smile and she chooses another compartment. It occurs to me that I really need help here. I wander slowly down to her compartment and stand at the doorway.
She looks up. She speaks in German, asking if I'm German.
I shake my head. “English.”
“I speak small English.”
“You go... Where?” I ask.
“Budapest.”
“You are Hungarian?”
She smiles.
“At the frontier, what do I do with my cases?”
“Oh.” There is a pause. “You smuggle some things?”
“Clothes.”
“What clothes?”
I pretend to hold up my breasts, and then point to my crotch.
Her eyes open wide. “You have much?”
I shrug. “Come and see.”
She gets up and follows me to my compartment, and I open the two suitcases.
She points. “Close. I come, sit with you. We cross frontier together. You speak no.” She disappears but is back in seconds.
“You just follow me. My cousin from Germany. Okay? You visit me and bring small presents for my family.” I know who to speak to. It will cost...” she rubs her thumb and two fingers together. “Everything cost bribe. No bribe then nothing. Bribe is make wheel go round.”
She sits down. “Now. Tell me. What you do?”
We chat. Her English is very good despite the funny way she uses it. I am looking out of the window. The railway line is running alongside a high wire fence with twisted barbed wire along the top. I point. “That is Czech?”
“That is Comecon prison camp. We all live behind wire. Much wire. They say to keep out West, but is to keep in East.”
“Why do they care?”
“Is control. Is power.”
“But...?”
“Is life. Is life behind the wire.”
“But you go and come back.”
“I have money. I know people. That is important. You need to know I am girl for fun, and I have important customers.”
I like the words. I must remember the question: 'Are you girl for fun?'
We are following the high wire, and then we are surrounded by guards with guns, and the rails burst through the high fence.
“We get out?”
“No-one get out. We sit. We wait. Man comes. This is not station. This is frontier.”
“Is there no station at the frontier?”
“Of course, but not close to wire.”
Two people who look like police come into the compartment demanding passports.
They scrutinise mine, and point. “You two? Friends?”
The girl for fun explains, and the police smile, and leave.
“So, are we friends?”
“Cousin. Remember. I ask how is police chief. They smile. If they know I know him they will ask no more questions.”
“It's who you know.”
“Of course.”
Two more officials enter the compartment. They point to my cases. I leave the matter to the girl who seems to know who it is best to know. But things don't go as I expected. They insist on me getting down the cases and opening them. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. I look across at my companion, but she is busy picking up items and talking fast. Of course, I cannot understand a word.
Five minutes later the two customs men leave, each carrying packets containing two bras and two pairs of panties. I originally assumed this was a bribe, but at the door they both fumbled in their wallets and brought out rather a lot of notes, looked very sheepish, and then disappeared.
“You...” I don't get any further.
“Your first sale. We make good partners. You bring, I sell. We go half. You half. Me half. She counts out the notes and gives me my share.
“What's this worth?”
“Not much. You wait to Budapest, we get three times this price.”
We sit waiting. “Who comes next?”
“We go hundred metres then stop for new ticket man. He look, then station.”
The train shunts forward, stops, rattles forward again, then stops again, and eventually pulls in alongside a platform.
I am rather annoyed to find that although I had a ticket to Budapest it is taken away from me and I am told it is not valid. “Only ticket bought here is valid here.”
“You buy ticket to next frontier, and then ticket to Budapest. Foreign tickets, and tickets bought in West not valid in these trains.”
“Do we sell more...” I point to the suitcases, “when we get to the next frontier?”
“Of course. Is our bribe.”
“But you need to know the right people.”
“Always. Don't come on your own.”
“Maybe we start a business.”
She laughs.
Maybe this is going to work. Maybe I will like things behind the wire, so long as I have a friend who knows the people one needs to know.
I open my wallet and inspect the strange notes. There does seem to be a lot of them.
“Don't worry, I will help you not to have your money stolen.”
“But they took my ticket away.”
“Is always like that. You never buy ticket all the way. You have the wrong passport. Is passport from West. You buy tickets here, not in West."
.....To be continued